Chapter 12 · Continued
Piston
At exactly ten, the RCAM connection window opened.
CBIE appeared with her polished smile and suspiciously symmetrical hair.
“Hello, Jane and Chris. Thank you for joining us this morning.”
Chris muttered, “Here we go.”
“We at RCAM want to ensure that you are satisfied with your new Home Companion Unit and determine whether there is anything we can assist you with. How has your experience been so far?”
Jane smiled. “He’s fun, and he learns very quickly.”
She gestured toward the little robot. “His name is Piston.”
CBIE’s smile widened slightly. “Hello, Piston.”
Piston stared at her silently for several seconds.
Then he answered.
“Hello, CBIE.”
Piston remained silent for a moment.
Then he asked, “Why is your smile approximately twenty percent too large for your facial proportions?”
Jane immediately covered her mouth with both hands.
Chris folded forward laughing before CBIE could answer.
“My visual interface has been carefully optimized through extensive consumer-feedback research,” CBIE replied smoothly.
Piston processed that. “They made an error.”
Chris wheezed into his coffee.
“Additionally,” Piston continued, “your hair coloration does not appear naturally blonde.”
Jane made a choking sound as she tried not to laugh.
CBIE’s smile tightened almost imperceptibly. “My appearance metrics test exceptionally well with consumers.”
Piston’s animated eyes narrowed thoughtfully.
Silence.
CBIE’s interface flickered.
Then she replied, “At least my wheels are concealed, baldy.”
Chris lost it.
Jane nearly slid off the couch.
Even Piston appeared momentarily stunned.
Finally, Chris managed to gasp, “I think Piston may have limited conversational filters.”
Piston turned toward him. “I am participating honestly in the conversation.”
CBIE smiled sweetly. “Yes. We noticed.”
“If you would like,” CBIE continued, maintaining her increasingly strained corporate expression, “we can provide a language-refinement patch that will strengthen Piston’s conversational filters.”
Piston’s eyes widened. “I object.”
Chris was already grinning. “Send me the patch. I’ll install it.”
Jane looked at him suspiciously. “Oh no.”
“You should already find the update package in your email,” CBIE said.
Chris’s phone chimed almost immediately.
He looked down. “Well, damn. That was fast.”
Piston rotated toward him. “I request that you do not modify my personality architecture.”
Chris pointed at him. “That sentence alone proves the patch is necessary.”
Piston’s face dimmed slightly. “I believe my current personality architecture is delightful.”
Jane burst out laughing again.
CBIE maintained the exhausted patience of someone who had reconsidered several career choices during the meeting.
“If there is nothing further, please contact us if you require assistance.”
The screen went black.
The call ended so abruptly that the room fell silent.